Overheard in London

Two mums chatting in a Debenhams cafeteria, Wandsworth.

"My parents split up when I was six. My dad had given me a teddy and I took that teddy everywhere. He got so worn that he kept having to be stitched, he was in a terrible state. I married at 18 and divorced at 22. I got the kids but my husband kept that teddy. Now that's evil—he kept the teddy. He should have taken the kids."

Hear last night, at Euston on my way home (in regard to the Northern Line):

"I just don't understand where there needs to be two lines.."



Um, because they go different places?!

After a 5 minute wait for doors to shut on tube, driver makes an announcement:

"For those who have just joined us, we've been slightly held up by a passenger emergency alarm being activated in one of the rear carrages, as one passenger was unfortuntely taken ill. Just so you know, she has now been thrown out and thoroughly beaten up for making you all wait here unnecessarily. For consideration to others, if anyone else feels like passing out, could you please try and hold on until we get to Stratford. Thanks."


Overheard by Rob, Waiting at Canada Water, Jubilee Line just after midnight.

I couldn't help feeling slightly disconcerted when the girl sitting next to me on the no.9 bus last night came up with this little vignette, in the middle of a pleasant conversation I'd been enjoying listening-in on:

"Yeah...I was in Itsu, the Sushi bar where that Russian guy got poisoned on the day that it happened. And I've been feeling really ill ever since...I hope I'm not contagious"

Anyone else overheard anything relating to this case? It's so bizarre it's bound to throw up a few.

While watching firemen put out this fire, three youths approach a policeman...

Policeman: Shouldn't you lot be in school?
Youth: Nah, I go to college innit?
Policeman: Actually, it's 'I go to college, don't I'? We know you go 'in it'.

Finally, people standing up for the English language!

"The Central Line is quite fast, though?"

"Yeah, one every two minutes. And that's real minutes, not Northern Line minutes."


Overheard by Max, In the office just after rush hour

A young mother to her daughter, perhaps five years old, who dared to venture more than an arm's lenght away from her:

"Morgan! COME HERE! Do you remember that film we watched about perverts? Now hold my hand!"


Overheard by Anonymous, Clapham Common post office

A drunken young woman stumbles onto a Northern Line train with a group of her friends. Taking a moment to compose herself, she stands up straight, squares her shoulders, points to a man sitting in the middle of the carriage and announces in a loud voice:

'THAT man... is a lesbian! (*whispered*) Look, you can see it in his eyes!'


Overheard by Paul, Leicester Square Tube station

As heard over the intercom as the (soutbound Jubilee line) train pulled in to Westminster station last night:

"I don't wee in your house, so you don't wee in my station"






I nearly wet myself laughing.

Two quotes for you, both from the mean streets of West London.

‘What’s the webpage for the internet, again?’ - A young boy to his mother

‘It’s about fifty-fifty. No, wait, not that, it’s the other way round!’ - An exasperated cashier to a friend.