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Jul. 1st, 2014

all hail


(no subject)

Two mums chatting in a Debenhams cafeteria, Wandsworth.

"My parents split up when I was six. My dad had given me a teddy and I took that teddy everywhere. He got so worn that he kept having to be stitched, he was in a terrible state. I married at 18 and divorced at 22. I got the kids but my husband kept that teddy. Now that's evil—he kept the teddy. He should have taken the kids."

Sep. 18th, 2008



joy of commuting

On the bus
Girl: Yes, I saw Mean Girls, it was great. But what is it with the 3 million rip-offs they make every year? Why do they do that?
Friend: Because it sells. It's easy, and it sells. Besides, you wanted to see Angus Thongs*, didn't you?
Girl: Yes, but it was called Angus Thongs! I'd see a million movies if they called them Angus Thongs! It's brilliant!
Friend: ...
Girl: What?
Friend: I am so ashamed of you.

On the tube
Announcer: This is the next train to Plystow... or Plarstow. As you prefer, really. It's going there anyway. Alright, mind the doors, ladies and gentlemen, mind the doors... Or wait for the driver. He'll be ready in a minute. Yep, there we go. Mind the doors.
(he was still rambling as we pulled out of the station)

*Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, released this summer

Aug. 19th, 2008



Northern line tourists...

Hear last night, at Euston on my way home (in regard to the Northern Line):

"I just don't understand where there needs to be two lines.."

Um, because they go different places?!

Dec. 4th, 2006


No passing out please

After a 5 minute wait for doors to shut on tube, driver makes an announcement:

"For those who have just joined us, we've been slightly held up by a passenger emergency alarm being activated in one of the rear carrages, as one passenger was unfortuntely taken ill. Just so you know, she has now been thrown out and thoroughly beaten up for making you all wait here unnecessarily. For consideration to others, if anyone else feels like passing out, could you please try and hold on until we get to Stratford. Thanks."

Overheard by Rob, Waiting at Canada Water, Jubilee Line just after midnight.

Dec. 2nd, 2006



(no subject)

Overheard in Tooting - two girls talking about some party or other. Secondary education is clearly being put to good use.

"So who did you get off with?"
"I'll give you a clue. His name ends in a D."
"Gerald doesn't have a D in it, you moron."
"...Oh yeah..."

Nov. 30th, 2006

fuck em


"KGB/Radiation business"

I couldn't help feeling slightly disconcerted when the girl sitting next to me on the no.9 bus last night came up with this little vignette, in the middle of a pleasant conversation I'd been enjoying listening-in on:

"Yeah...I was in Itsu, the Sushi bar where that Russian guy got poisoned on the day that it happened. And I've been feeling really ill ever since...I hope I'm not contagious"

Anyone else overheard anything relating to this case? It's so bizarre it's bound to throw up a few.

Nov. 29th, 2006



Alright coppa'?

While watching firemen put out this fire, three youths approach a policeman...

Policeman: Shouldn't you lot be in school?
Youth: Nah, I go to college innit?
Policeman: Actually, it's 'I go to college, don't I'? We know you go 'in it'.

Finally, people standing up for the English language!

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July 2014



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