Overheard in London

Friendly exchange between barmaid of a pub and one of the drivers from the taxi service across the road at around 11pm:

Driver: "Come on love, cook us up a meat sandwich or something!"
Barmaid: "Fuck off, it's 11pm!"
Driver: "Oi, I've got connections!"
Barmaid: "Then use them to cook you some fucking food!"

South London never fails to entertain :)

On the bus
Girl: Yes, I saw Mean Girls, it was great. But what is it with the 3 million rip-offs they make every year? Why do they do that?
Friend: Because it sells. It's easy, and it sells. Besides, you wanted to see Angus Thongs*, didn't you?
Girl: Yes, but it was called Angus Thongs! I'd see a million movies if they called them Angus Thongs! It's brilliant!
Friend: ...
Girl: What?
Friend: I am so ashamed of you.

On the tube
Announcer: This is the next train to Plystow... or Plarstow. As you prefer, really. It's going there anyway. Alright, mind the doors, ladies and gentlemen, mind the doors... Or wait for the driver. He'll be ready in a minute. Yep, there we go. Mind the doors.
(he was still rambling as we pulled out of the station)

*Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, released this summer

Hear last night, at Euston on my way home (in regard to the Northern Line):

"I just don't understand where there needs to be two lines.."



Um, because they go different places?!

Not seen anything posted here for a while, thought I'd recount what happened on my journey to work the other day. I go in after the worst of the rush, and I got the last seat near a group of about 10 well-behaved young girls and their teacher. Some of them were chatting quietly or playing clapping games, one was knitting. At the next stop, three blokes in suits got on, talking about business guff at full volume, oblivious to being glowered at by people all over the carriage who really didn't care about whatever deal they'd just sealed.
The girl with the knitting looked up at them and said "INDOOR VOICES!" and went back to her knitting. The men shut up, and there were several muted sniggers.
"That was very precocious." The teacher said.
"Yes, keep it up" someone muttered.

After a 5 minute wait for doors to shut on tube, driver makes an announcement:

"For those who have just joined us, we've been slightly held up by a passenger emergency alarm being activated in one of the rear carrages, as one passenger was unfortuntely taken ill. Just so you know, she has now been thrown out and thoroughly beaten up for making you all wait here unnecessarily. For consideration to others, if anyone else feels like passing out, could you please try and hold on until we get to Stratford. Thanks."


Overheard by Rob, Waiting at Canada Water, Jubilee Line just after midnight.

Overheard on a bus in Lewisham. An elderly lady is talking to an elderly gentleman acquaintance, who she has met by chance. They are discussing the cheap Christmas decorations she has just bought:

"And see, you get three for 99p and my granddaughter has a little Christmas tree in her bedroom and so I got her three packets with different designs. Because at 99p that works out at about 33p each, which is a bargain isn't it? So I got her three of those and then I went to the pet shop and bought a frozen rat for my snake. Oh, I've had him about fifteen years, I didn't know snakes could live that long! He's only about six feet long; I share him with my downstairs neighbour after he escaped and she found him in her washing machine."

It's true, geriatrics are the new adolescents.

Overheard in Tooting - two girls talking about some party or other. Secondary education is clearly being put to good use.

"So who did you get off with?"
"I'll give you a clue. His name ends in a D."
"Gerald!"
"Gerald doesn't have a D in it, you moron."
"...Oh yeah..."

I couldn't help feeling slightly disconcerted when the girl sitting next to me on the no.9 bus last night came up with this little vignette, in the middle of a pleasant conversation I'd been enjoying listening-in on:

"Yeah...I was in Itsu, the Sushi bar where that Russian guy got poisoned on the day that it happened. And I've been feeling really ill ever since...I hope I'm not contagious"

Anyone else overheard anything relating to this case? It's so bizarre it's bound to throw up a few.

While watching firemen put out this fire, three youths approach a policeman...

Policeman: Shouldn't you lot be in school?
Youth: Nah, I go to college innit?
Policeman: Actually, it's 'I go to college, don't I'? We know you go 'in it'.

Finally, people standing up for the English language!

"The Central Line is quite fast, though?"

"Yeah, one every two minutes. And that's real minutes, not Northern Line minutes."


Overheard by Max, In the office just after rush hour